You are beautiful. (To my wonderful mama’s raising a daughter.)

Hello, beautiful.

Brace yourself- this post is uncharacteristically long for me, but I would love your feedback, so grab a cup of coffee and get cozy.

I wanted to share something that I experienced/ witnessed yesterday that was very unnerving.

I teach home school PE, and yesterday I had an adorable five year old for the first time. She was energetic, outgoing and couldn’t wait to show me all the cheers she had learned from cheerleading practice the previous day.

Before we began, the little girl mentioned all the activities she was involved in and told me she was fat, so she needed to be active to get skinny. I froze. She then told me she had a belly and her mother said it was ugly. Her mom was sitting with us and laughed it off. The mother told me the little girl had a ‘slouching’ problem and this is what she was talking about. Yea right. I looked that little girl in the eyes and told her she was NOT fat, and she was beautiful. It took all I had not to slap her mother into reality.

I don’t have a daughter, but when I do I vow to make her feel beautiful each and every day. 

mommy daughter

I won’t talk negatively about my body, and I will tell her she gets her strong arms from her mommy.I will tell her she looks gorgeous in her ruffled bathing suit, and NEVER talk about her ‘baby fat’. 

baby bathing suit

I will teach her how to love and respect her body because it is a gift from God. I will show her what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with food, and tell her it is meant for nourishment and fuel, and we will talk about which foods do the best job at providing these things. 

I will play with her outside and teach her about fitness. I will talk with her about how it makes her FEEL, not look. 

I will definitely make brownies with her on a Sunday night, and she won’t know what a ‘cheat day’ is or how many calories are in the brownies. 

At the end of the class the mother asked what AB exercises the little girl could do. She said her daughter exercises three hours a day and is still out of shape. I told her that her daughter is not out of shape and did amazing, so well she was telling ME what exercises to do.

I pray this mother see’s how her words are effecting her beautiful, perfect daughter and will quit with the ‘fat’ talk right now.

Living with an eating disorder is no joke and can ruin your life. If you have a daughter, be gentle with your words and  please understand that everything you tell her will have an effect on her. It is easy to think that small comments will be forgotten and not another thought will be given to them, but I am telling you from experience, those small remarks can be thought about for days, weeks, and eventually you are obsessing over these small comments.

Uplift. love. Cherish. Tell her how adorable she looks when she smiles. Instill self- love. Show her what it means to respect her body.  

fairest

Have a wonderful day, you beautiful, beautiful ladies!

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21 thoughts on “You are beautiful. (To my wonderful mama’s raising a daughter.)

  1. “And she won’t know what a ‘cheat’ day is…”
    Heather this is an amazing post. Maybe one of my favorites that you have ever written. You are BEAUTIFUL, and any little girl would be so lucky to have you as a mama. (Just like your little one is).

    • Thank you Amy! I think even though I have a son I still feel the love a mother feels for a child, and so I realize how important it is to uplift our children. Having a daughter is such ab important, challenging job, but I hope one day I will get the opportunity to take it on! 🙂 have a great day girl!

  2. Heather-This post is absolutely beautiful. Thank you!

    I love my Mom dearly but I have to admit she hasn’t always been the most uplifting. I think she struggles a lot with her own confidence (a result of my VERY strict and uptight grandmother) that she tends to project onto me. It’s taken years to fully recognize this and know that her approval (which is virtually impossible to get) is not the be-all and end-all. All I can do is promise to make my future daughter feel beautiful and confident always.

    • Girl, we are in the same page. My mom is my best friend now, but she has always had a low self- esteem and it has projected on to me. It’s so great that you realize this and vow to do things differently with your daughter because you are right- that’s all we can do!

  3. This post brought tears to my eyes. My mother always treated me lovingly, and never told me I was fat, but I still have always known I was. The media tells us what is beautiful, and I knew I didn’t fall into that mold. It’s something I’m constantly working on. Knowing that I’m overweight, there are days I struggle with feeling beautiful. This post really hit home for me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t imagine being that mother, and setting my daughter up for feeling badly about her self at age 5. FIVE. My word… I hope she stops talking to her daughter this way. I loved the way you talked about all that you would do with your daughter, and make her believe. She is going to be one lucky little lady! 🙂

    • You are right- we are already brainwashed by the media by what the ‘perfect’ body is that the LAST person we need to hear that from is our mother. I’m so glad you had a loving mother who never criticized you, and realize that models and actresses are NOT real! 🙂 All we can do is uplift our younger generation and hopefully what we say will resonate with them. Have a great day girl!

      • I hope so too! We’re all beautiful in our own ways, we just need to learn that. 🙂 Hope you have a great day as well!!

  4. Hi Heather I recently found your blog….this is a really wonderful post. That mother makes me so bad and even more mad that there are mothers everywhere that feel that way about their daughters. What good do they think will come of them telling their daughters they are fat? It’s not right—whether she is 5, 15 or 25. I think it’s important to make your daughter feel beautiful in her own skin seeing as so many girls have body issues. I’m glad you told the little girl she is not fat—good for you.

    • Thanks for stopping by! If my mom says something I think is criticism (I usually am just taking it the wrong way) I get upset and I am 27! I am extremely sensitive and could never imagine a mother to telling my flat out that I was fat.. I just wonder what is wrong with people like that?!

  5. This is so sad! Way to break your daughter and her confidence, lady!
    I have 2 sons – but I think when you have a daughter it’s a whole other ball game…something I’m not prepared for! It’s a lot of responsibility…because as a woman you know how 1 ‘wrong’ comment – especially from a loved one, especially from your mother – can leave a scar that lasts forever.
    Great post!!!
    -Sammy @ http://www.peaceandloveandicecream.com

  6. Well..I have a 10 year old daughter, and this is something I try and do each and every day…up-lift her, and educated her on the importance of being active, and making healthy decisions – so that she can feel strong, and be around for many years to come. Great post

  7. Hi Heather, it’s my first time commenting here after Davida pointed your blog out to me. This post is just beautiful and resonated with me so much. Something that every parent, relative, teacher or really anybody who is in contact with and thereby an influence to a girl should read.
    “It is easy to think that small comments will be forgotten and not another thought will be given to them.” This is so true and just like you I can tell from experience how much more of an influence on somebody little remarks can have. I don’t want to put all blame for me developping an ED to others but their comments definitely hurt and affected me.
    Reading what the mother you mentioned said to and about her daughter and ingrained into this little girl’s mind already is making me enraged and sad. I haven’t seen or heard anything like this myself and it’s hard to believe. How far has society taken our obsession with dieting and exercising if we can’t even allow children to grow up without the pressure of fitting in?

    • I am so glad you enjoyed it and it touched your heart! It is really scary to know that there are mothers out there who put this kind of pressure on their 5 year old daughter. I hope she realizes what she is doing and maybe I can help her.. I am so glad you stopped by and have a great week!

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